Bodily Functions.

I have determined that becoming a mother has decreased my femininity. But before you lay on the Estrogen - here me out.

Let me just sum up the past week (but it pretty much goes for the past 2 years!)...

I've been puked on.

I've been peed on.

I've had snot wiped on my clothes (both intentionally and unintentionally).

I have had to change N.A.S.T.Y runny diapers.

Did I mention I was puked on?

I think that means that SOMETHING has come out of all the "holes" in both of my children! Well. Except for their ears. HOORAH for that! I've thought about plugging them up. But I suppose that isn't really a loving thing to do...

It has all been NON STOP for over a week now.

It is DIS.GUST.ING.

I guess I missed that fine print! (I'm realizing I missed a LOT of fine print...) Where did it say Motherhood = "get over your fear of cooties, woman! You're about to deal with NASTY bodily functions (NOT Your own!) for a loooong time!"

How am I supposed to feel like a woman when I am CONSTANTLY wiping boogies, cleaning up puke and dealing with the runs?

How?

No, really. HOW?

I think I am losing my mind. And my hands are dry and cracked from washing them a million times a day!!!

I like to think that I am not really a "gagger". But I am GAGGING! Just thinking about it makes me queasy!!!

I HATE this time of year! Can we please have warm weather, clean air and get rid of all these freaking BUGS!?!?!

PUH-LEASE?!?!?